This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. (Romans 5:8, NLT)

There is a song out that is popular in a lot of churches called “Reckless Love”. The first line in the chorus goes like this: “Oh the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God…” When I first heard the song, I was a bit put off by that phrase “reckless love of God”. To me, reckless was being careless, irresponsible, thoughtless, and wild. Not exactly the description I would give God. I could not reconcile recklessness and God’s love. God is very intentional and doesn’t make mistakes, and He certainly isn’t thoughtless and irresponsible.

I have since had more clarity in the use of that word regarding God’s love and it comes with the synonym risk. Let me explain.

Have you noticed how much easier it is to love someone who loves you in return? Of course, you have; it’s what we expect. Unfortunately, there are times when our acts of love and kindness are not reciprocated. Now what?

The solution to this dilemma is really quite simple when we look at God’s Word (I said simple, not easy). Romans 5:8 tells us: This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other (NLT). This is what loving unconditionally is all about. If you will recall, the definition of agape, the God-kind of love, is doing what benefits the other. This is the kind of love this passage of scripture is speaking of. In other words, it doesn’t matter so much what your spouse or friend or child does or doesn’t do, you must still choose to love. And there are risks involved.

The risk we take when we choose to love unconditionally is rejection. That is the risk God took when, while we were still in our sin, Jesus died for us. Being the omniscient One He is, He knew that many would reject His love. That, however, did not stop Him. He was still willing to take the risk.

Remember, God didn’t wait until we were perfect before He gave us His greatest sacrifice. He loved us as though we already were! As challenging as that sounds, He wants us to do the same. Trust me, this cannot be done in our human power; it requires the power of God.

When you choose to do things God’s way and love unconditionally, He blesses your obedience. Scripture teaches us that to know God is to love Him and to love God is to obey Him.

God’s love is reckless in that He took a risk by loving us through giving up His Son for us even though we might not love Him in return. That should encourage us to take the same risk. Let’s give the love regardless of the lack of reciprocation. It sounds hard, but It will reap great rewards. You may not see all of them immediately; but if you are faithful to obey, God’s promise is sure.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 NLT)

I have written in the past about the kind of love known as agape love.  This type of love is a one-way street of love that can be and is commanded by God.  In other words, agape love is unilateral, requiring no reciprocation. This type of love should guide our actions toward covenant mates in marriage in obedience to God’s Word.

Today I want to talk about phileo love or the love defined in friendship and also found in God’s Word. Phileo love, unlike agape love, is not unilateral but in fact, grows through reciprocation.  Phileo involves sharing, communication, and the commonness of goals, purpose, and heart.  When I looked up the definition of companion it said friend and somebody to be with.  I challenge you to endeavor to become friends with your spouse.

The challenge is not to ask each other to think the same but to think together realizing that two are better than one in facing life’s trials.  Strive and learn to share your life goals and purposes with each other through communication.  Realize that without knowing each other’s direction and passions, it is very difficult (if not impossible) for you to walk together.  Amos 3:3 (NLT) states, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”

We must learn to be open and honest with our mates to identify the individual and common enemies to be confronted together.  According to the Ecclesiastes scripture quoted above, two are better than one because they help each other.  Spouses must choose to fight against any foe that threatens the unity of their marriage or family.  Hearts, goals, purposes, and directions need to be shared and consolidated for the couple to pull or push towards the same destination.

Determine to become friends and yes, maybe someday, even best friends:  friends that will not break confidences, or personal secrets shared between you;  friends who will not use disclosed weaknesses for personal advantage but will only support and affirm each other in the face of unity-opposing forces. Be companions and friends who will obey God and demonstrate agape love for each other until phileo love is experienced. 

Remember that the things that God promises and provides can only be obtained or achieved with His help.  Ask for and receive God’s help to become friends with your spouse and enjoy phileo love.  Let God become the third cord of your marriage making it not easily broken.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25, NKJV).

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church (Ephesians 5:28-29 NKJV).

In the scriptures above, husbands are instructed to love their wives; but it also emphasizes that the wife a husband is to love is his own wife.  In today’s world, which I would describe as overstimulated and exposed, the specification of own wife is truly significant and appropriate.  People are bombarded with contemporary guidelines for successes that direct us to focus primarily on our own needs and desires above all else.  As husbands living in the “me generation”, God’s Word gives, yet again, another reason to pause and ponder how to actually walk and live the love commanded here.

Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church and was exemplified in the ultimate act of self-denial and sacrifice.  Christ was willing to give up His position in glory to come and die for the object of His love: the Church or Body of Christ.   Many of us will say to our wives that we will give our very lives for them but won’t take ten minutes to listen and provide positive feedback concerning their value to you and your family.  Christ’s joy was made full, knowing that He had made the way for mankind to be reconciled back to Father God.  The cost and sacrifice were indeed counted but given secondary priority to the coveted goal of meeting mankind’s greatest need for redemption.

I know we can’t die physically every day in demonstration of our love for our wives, but we can make a decision to give them first priority – second only to God, Himself – to love them as our own self or body.  This would be awesome to execute for the “me generation”.  Think about it: all the wonderful dreams of fulfillment and satisfaction we desire for ourselves being shared and targeted with our resources toward our wives. 

I believe no man in his right mind hates himself but endeavors to be successful and possess a sense of personal wellbeing. If you love yourself, the best way to bless yourself is to nourish and cherish your wife; to dare to believe that God has established a love plan that benefits both you and your wife.  Commit to, selflessly, invest in the growth and development of your wife, knowing that God assures blessings and fulfillment to all involved.   

For here is the way God loved the world—he gave his only, unique Son as a gift.  So now everyone who believes in him will never perish but experience everlasting life. “God did not send his Son into the world to judge and condemn the world, but to be its Savior and rescue it (John 3:16-17, TPT)

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” (Mark 12:30-31, NLT)

There is an issue that has bugged me for a long time. I’ve met a number of Christians who actually seem to take delight in the idea of unbelievers going to Hell! Doesn’t that shock you?! Actually, we shouldn’t be that shocked because I think we are all guilty of it at one time or another. We see someone doing something we think is unconscionable, and we shake our heads and reason in our minds, “That person’s an idiot!” or we jokingly say, “That guy’s gonna bust Hell wide open.” Should that really be our response? I know it’s hard, in the heat of the moment to say, “Wow! That person must really be empty inside to do such a thing. I need to pray that they find Jesus.” But at some point, that’s where our thoughts should go.

If you have read any of the New Testament, nowhere do you see Jesus hating on sinners. The only people He was especially hard on were those who called themselves religious. These were the Sadducees and Pharisees who studied the Scriptures, but their lives were full of hypocrisies. Jesus called them on it many times. We should also remember that we, ourselves, can be caught in that same hypocrisy. For example, we may be watching  T.V. and find ourselves rooting for the criminal, or wanting someone to dump their spouse because they’re in love with someone else. Yet, when see those things in reality, we wag our finger and begin to hate on the sinner. We need to remember, always, to hate the sin wherever it shows up. However, we must remember to still love the sinner.

Remember the woman caught in adultery? The religious leaders seemed to be gleeful about stoning her to death for her crime.  Jesus reminded them, very cleverly, that they’ve committed sins as well. Then he gently loved on the woman by telling her not to sin again. Jesus acknowledged her sin, but love her, nevertheless. I would imagine that even when tempted to commit adultery again, she remembered her encounter with Jesus and thought better of it.

When I see things in the news that individuals or groups of people are doing that are so far off the mark of God’s Word, it may disturb me, but I try to remind myself that they are only doing what their father is telling them to do. Of course, I mean Satan. We can so easily forget that the sinner’s job description is to sin.

I want, so much, for the compassion of Jesus to rise up in me to remember to love on sinners by introducing them to a Savior who loves them so much that He was willing to die to give them eternal life so that they can live with Him forever. I admit that it takes great commitment and the power of Holy Spirit to stay in that frame of mind, but it truly is worth the effort.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT)

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we find ourselves striving to make quick, yet decisive, decisions about the direction of our lives and actions that define who we are. The scripture above encourages us to trust God with all our heart. This can only be accomplished if we truly believe that God is working for our best interest and prosperity. In other words, we must believe that God loves us, and His gift of Christ is His plan for humanity’s redemption and reconciliation with Himself.  Confidence in Jesus as our Savior will allow us to also believe that God’s understanding and thoughts are superior to ours and must be factored into our final decision making. The implication is that our thoughts and understandings are only valid as they agree with those presented by God.

As I read several different translations or versions of this scripture, I found words directing the reader to seek, acknowledge, and understand the will of God for our lives. The word pause is defined as a suspension; interruption; temporary stop; break or rest. In the process of living and navigating life’s options, we must use the power of taking a pause from just doing and ask what God want us to be and do.

God’s Word conveys to Christ’s followers that He wants us to be like Jesus. He desires that our actions would emulate God’s will as Christ did. This may require us to suspend doing until we have direction from God, especially if we are not familiar with His will.

This means that as we interact with our spouse, family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, or strangers, we must consider God’s thoughts and instructions regarding our conduct. The power of pause is in seeking to know and follow the path that we most believe will please God in all we do.

God has promised to direct us and show us the path that we should take. Trust that as we follow His advice and commands, we will be provided with the best strategy to be pleasing to God. Taking the time to pause can be a powerful tool in allowing God to guide you by His Spirit into His perfect will.        

So be very careful how you live, not being like those with no understanding, but live honorably with true wisdom, for we are living in evil times. Take full advantage of every day as you spend your life for his purposes. And don’t live foolishly for then you will have discernment to fully understand God’s will. (Ephesians 5:15-17, 21, TPT)

A new year always gives us a feeling of a fresh, new start. We may celebrate each new year with all kinds of ideas for getting started on a new diet or workout program. We decide that we’re going to drop some very bad habits, and we, excitedly, make promises to ourselves to improve our quality of life overall. I want to challenge you to put that same vigor towards improving your marriage this year, and that may require some real changes on your part. Here’s an important quote I refer back to often: “Change will never occur until the pain of staying the same is more painful than the change.”

We are living in precarious, unprecedented times! Unless you have been living off the grid for many years, you surely recognize that we are finding ourselves living a “new normal”. In another version of today’s scripture, we are reminded to “redeem the time because the days are evil (NKJV).” In other words, we cannot afford to waste time anymore.

Change is one of those things that happens to us whether we want it to or not. Sometimes, we’re in control of it, and sometimes, we are not. Unless they are very progressive-minded, most people don’t like change because it moves them out of their comfort zone. That’s why most people fail at keeping new year’s resolutions. Sometimes, however, we experience an event that requires us to make a decision whether we are going to change or not. The decision will be affirmative only if we feel that staying the same make us worse off. One good example is when one or the other spouse threatens divorce unless they commit to counseling. Even though something needed to change in the relationship, one was not willing to do anything proactive until the idea of divorce seemed much worse than the status quo.

Many of the couples who are struggling in their marriages don’t do anything about it because they are not willing to make the necessary changes to make things better. They get comfortable living the same way over and over again. They kind of hope things will change but are not willing to be actively involved in making that change happen.

When working out issues in a relationship, it can become quite uncomfortable; but it’s worth it if the end result will be a harmonious union that brings glory to God. And, ultimately, isn’t that our goal? Aren’t we trying to live in obedience to His Word? We sometimes tell our marriage coaching clients, “If you are not willing to do the things that will please your mate or to try to meet his or her needs, then do it out of a desire to please God until the feelings come and your desire towards your mate changes – because it will.”

Change can be our friend. It can launch us into a realm where we reach our full potential – in life and marriage. Let’s choose not to be afraid of it but to embrace it with joy. May this be the year significant change happens for you. Let me repeat a portion of today’s verse, “Take full advantage of every day as you spend your life for his purposes.”